In the world of pet grooming, most days are filled with the usual — fluffy dogs, curious cats, the occasional bird. But once in a while, something so absurd, so surreal, occurs that it challenges not only our understanding of reality but also our collective sense of normalcy. This is the story of Biscuit, a Pomeranian mix—except, of course, Biscuit is not a dog at all. In fact, he’s an actual raccoon.
The tale that follows takes you through the strange, often hilarious journey of a professional dog groomer faced with a client who refuses to acknowledge the obvious—Biscuit’s true identity. It’s a story that will make you question the line between what is accepted and what is real. But ultimately, it is a story of acceptance, humor, and the bizarre intersection of professionalism and absurdity.
1) A Curious Client: Biscuit the Raccoon
As a dog groomer, the first rule is to treat every pet like it’s your own. This helps build trust, maintain professional care, and ensure that every dog receives the best possible grooming experience. But this was not going to be just another day at the grooming salon.
It all started on January, when a woman scheduled an appointment for a Pomeranian mix grooming. Simple enough, right? Pomeranians are a common breed in the dog grooming industry, known for their fluffy coats and adorable personalities. The woman brought in a dog carrier—typical of any client coming in with a small breed dog.
But when she opened it, I was met with the face of a raccoon. This was not a Pomeranian mix. It was not a dog. It was a raccoon—a large, grayish creature with a black mask around its eyes, a ringed tail, and those unmistakable little hands.
I froze. This wasn’t possible. This was insane. I glanced at the woman. She smiled warmly and said, “His name is Biscuit. Just a trim, please. He gets matted.”
The words hung in the air. My mind raced. Am I being pranked?
But my manager, standing nearby, gave me a reassuring nod. “It’s a Pomeranian mix, right? Standard package?”
Confused and unsure, I nodded in agreement. What else was I supposed to do?
And so began my bizarre, inexplicable journey as a professional raccoon groomer.
2) The Bizarre Routine: Grooming a Raccoon
Over the months, Biscuit—this raccoon, dressed in a dog’s name tag and a Pomeranian’s grooming schedule—returned like clockwork. Every month, his grooming sessions followed the same routine:
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Bath: Biscuit would happily enter the tub, standing still as the warm water soaked into his fur.
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Trimming: His long, thick fur would be carefully snipped and styled, his ringed tail brushed meticulously.
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Nails and Teeth: Just like any dog, Biscuit would get his nails trimmed and his teeth brushed (a task he remarkably tolerated).
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Biscuit’s Personality: The raccoon’s demeanor was always cooperative—likely used to the routine, not to mention his fondness for snacks and treats. Though, of course, he also chatted at me, his chattering adding an amusing touch to the absurdity of the situation.
The woman paid faithfully every month. $65 for the standard Pomeranian grooming package, plus a $20 tip.
And, to my shock, everyone else in the grooming salon accepted it. The manager never said a word. The other groomers never acknowledged it either. Biscuit was simply a valued client, and I was instructed to groom him just as I would any dog.
3) Unseen by the World: Acceptance in Silence
Over time, I began to realize something strange: no one wanted to acknowledge the truth. When the new employee asked about Biscuit’s appointment, the room fell silent. The question was simple: “Why is there a raccoon on the schedule?”
The manager’s response was equally simple and disconcerting: “That’s Biscuit. He’s a Pomeranian mix.”
The new employee didn’t argue. She simply went along with it. No one dared question it, and I began to wonder if maybe I was the one losing my mind. Was this really happening? Was I hallucinating, or had we, as a team, collectively decided that this raccoon was, in fact, a dog?
Every day, Biscuit showed up, climbed onto the grooming table with his odd little hands, and awaited his pampering session. And every month, the same thing happened. I groomed him, styled his fur, and sent him home looking fabulous—all for the price of $65 plus tip.
4) The Inspection: The Moment of Truth
It wasn’t until the health inspector came in for a routine check that things took a turn. When the inspector saw Biscuit in the grooming chair, undergoing a blow-dry, the question came up once more: “Is that a raccoon?”
The owner, without looking up, replied, “Yes, that’s a Pomeranian mix.”
The inspector hesitated, wrote something down, and left without comment. We passed the inspection.
It was at this moment that I understood something profound: What is accepted on paper becomes reality. And as long as we all played our part in this collective delusion, Biscuit—this raccoon—remained a “Pomeranian mix,” officially documented and approved by all.
5) The Legacy of Biscuit: The Raccoon Who Became a Dog
As the months went by, Biscuit became a local legend in the grooming world. 48 grooming sessions later, he was still a “Pomeranian mix,” still arriving every month, still getting his trims and baths. No one questioned it. No one needed to.
The irony wasn’t lost on me—this was a raccoon, a wild animal, living a life of luxury and care, while all the while we pretended he was a dog. Biscuit ate from the trash can in our break room, waddled around the salon, and charmed everyone with his antics. Yet in all the official records, he was just another Pomeranian.
I couldn’t help but laugh at how absurd it was. I had become a professional raccoon groomer, maintaining a dog’s name and identity, and nobody—not even me—could call it what it truly was.
6) A Life of Comedy and Chaos: The Professional Raccoon Groomer
Biscuit’s story is a reminder that sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. In a world where we tend to categorize things and people, sometimes the lines blur, and the rules of logic and reason become secondary. Biscuit is living proof that absurdity can thrive in the most professional spaces, even when nobody openly acknowledges it.
But this story isn’t just about a raccoon in a grooming salon. It’s about acceptance, humor, and the unexpected paths we take in life. Through every strange interaction with Biscuit, I learned that the ability to adapt, to laugh at the absurd, and to perform our jobs with grace can transform the most unusual situations into opportunities for growth.
Now, I’ve resigned myself to the role of a professional raccoon groomer. I’ve come to accept that Biscuit will always be “a Pomeranian mix” in our books. He’ll continue to get his monthly trims, and we’ll all continue to pretend we’re in on the joke.
7) The Life Lesson of Biscuit: Why It’s All About the Love, Not the Label
Ultimately, Biscuit teaches us a valuable lesson about life: labels are meaningless in the grand scheme of things. What matters is how we treat each other—regardless of the name, the species, or the context. Biscuit may not be a dog, but he is a beloved member of our grooming family, and he deserves the same care and attention as any pet that walks through our doors.
And so, Biscuit the Pomeranian mix—a raccoon by any other name—will continue to charm his way through his grooming sessions, and we will continue to play along in this quirky, wonderful world where the rules are made up, and the reality is far stranger than fiction.
