Christmas is a time for joy, laughter, and celebration. What better way to get into the holiday spirit than with some hilarious Christmas jokes? Here are 10 festive funnies to share with family and friends.
Let’s start with a joke that’s heaven-sent. Three men find themselves at the pearly gates on Christmas Eve, and Saint Peter challenges them to show something that represents Christmas. The first man pulls out a match and lights it, calling it a Christmas candle. The second man jangles a set of keys, saying they’re Christmas bells. The third man pulls out a pair of red panties and says, “They’re Carol’s.”
Next up is a joke about a hungover husband who wakes up to a Christmas surprise he didn’t expect. After a wild company party, Paul wakes up to find a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His wife has left him a sweet note, but things take a turn when he discovers he has a black eye and his wife has left him a cryptic message.
If you’re looking for a joke with a military twist, here’s one about a soldier’s Christmas wish. Two soldiers are chatting about past Christmas memories when one of them recalls a time he spent an entire week peeling potatoes. When asked what he wanted for Christmas, he replied, “A new sergeant.”
A monk’s mistake is the punchline of our next joke. A monk named David spent years copying ancient texts by hand, but when he was tasked with verifying the original manuscripts, he discovered a hilarious mistake. Instead of “celibate,” the word was actually “celebrate.”
Family drama takes center stage in our next joke. A father calls his son to announce that he and his mother are getting divorced, but things take a turn when the son and his sister team up to stop the divorce. Or so they think.
If you’re a fan of early Christmas shopping, you’ll love our next joke. A man is accused of doing his Christmas shopping early, but things take a turn when he’s asked what time he started shopping. His reply? “Before the store opened.”
A trip to the airport is the setting for our next joke. A man is waiting at the airport when he notices some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale. When he makes a comment about it, the airline attendant replies, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
A kid’s creative approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted is the focus of our next joke. When a little boy is told to write his Christmas letter to Jesus instead of Santa, he comes up with a clever plan. He snatches the statue of Mary from a nativity scene and writes a ransom note to Jesus.
Long hair is the topic of our next joke. A teenager asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas, but his father is disappointed that he hasn’t cut his hair. The teenager replies that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair, but his father has a clever comeback.
Finally, a husband’s Christmas misunderstanding rounds out our list. A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. When he calls her, she tells him she’s in the lingerie store next to the jewelry store where he saw a watch he loved five years ago. His sentimental moment is quickly ruined when he realizes what she’s really saying.
